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Oct. 8th, 2003 @ 03:48 pm a musical interlude
Current Music: not rap
As recently requested by mishak, and in honor of his impending natal day, I have translated into rough Latin an extensive fragment of a much longer popular song. While providing a literal interlinear translation back into English for the benefit of Latin-less readers, I have, regrettably, made no attempt at rhyme or meter; alert readers will also notice that by avoiding translating the entire song, I have not only allowed myself more time for other work, but I have also neatly skipped several lines in the second half which are not easily susceptible to translation.

I welcome constructive comments on the Latinity.

De clunibus magnis amandis oratio
Mixaloti equitis


mehercle!
(By Hercules!)
Rebecca, ecce! tantae clunes isti sunt!
(Rebecca, behold! Such large buttocks she has!)

amica esse videtur istorum hominum rhythmicorum.
(She appears to be a girlfriend of one of those rhythmic-oration people.)
sed, ut scis,
(But, as you know)
quis homines huiusmodi intellegere potest?
(Who can understand persons of this sort?)
colloquuntur equidem cum ista eo tantum, quod scortum perfectum esse videtur.
(Verily, they converse with her for this reason only, namely, that she appears to be a complete whore.)
clunes, aio, maiores esse!
(Her buttocks, I say, are rather large!)
nec possum credere quam rotondae sint.
(Nor am I able to believe how round they are.)
en! quam exstant! nonne piget te earum?
(Lo! How they stand forth! Do they not disgust you?)
ecce mulier Aethiops!
(Behold the black woman!)

magnae clunes mihi placent, nec possum de hac re mentiri.
(Large buttocks are pleasing to me, nor am I able to lie concerning this matter.)
quis enim, consortes mei, non fateatur,
(For who, colleagues, would not admit,)
cum puella incedit minore medio corpore
(Whenever a girl comes by with a rather small middle part of the body)
sub quo manifestus globus, inflammare animos
(Beneath which is an obvious spherical mass, that it inflames the spirits)
virtute praestare ut velitis, notantes bracas eius
(So that you want to be conspicuous for manly virtue, noticing her breeches)
clunibus profunde fartas(*1) esse
(Have been deeply stuffed with buttock?)
a! captus sum, nec desinere intueri possum.
(Alas! I am captured, nor am I able to desist from gazing.)
o dominola mea, volo tecum congredi
(My dear lady, I want to come together with you)
pingereque picturam tui.
(And make a picture of you.)
familiares mei me monebant
(My companions were trying to warn me)
sed clunes istae libidinem in me concitant.
(But those buttocks of yours arouse lust in me.)
o! cutis rugosa glabraque! (*2)
(O skin wrinkled and smooth!)
dixistine te in meum vehiculum intrare velle?
(Did you say you wish to enter my vehicle?)
in arbitrio tuo totus veni
(I am entirely at your disposal)
quia non es mediocris adsecula.
(Because you are not an average hanger-on.)
vidi illam saltantem.(*3)
(I have seen her dancing.)
obliviscere igitur blanditiarum! (*3a)
(Forget, therefore, about blandishments!)
tantus sudor! tantus umor!
(Such sweat! Such moisture!)
vehor quasi in curru quadrigarum! (*4)
(I am borne along as if by a four-horse chariot!)
taedet me in diurnis legendi
(I am tired of reading in the gazettes)
planas clunes gratiores iudicari.
(That flat buttocks are judged more pleasing.)
rogate quoslibet Aethiopes: responsum erit
(Ask any black men you wish: the answer will be)
se libentius expletiores (*5) anteponere.
(Rather that they prefer fuller ones.)
o consortes (quid est?) o consortes (quid est?)
(O colleagues [What is it?] O colleagues [What is it?])
habent amicae vestrae magnas clunes? (certe habent!)
(Do your girlfriends have large buttocks? [They certainly have!])
hortamini igitur ut eas quatiant (ut quatiant!)
(Encourage them therefore to shake them! [To shake them!])
ut quatiant! (ut quatiant!)
(To shake them! [To shake them!)
ut quatiant illas clunes sanas!
(To shake those healthy buttocks!)
domina mea exstat a tergo! (*6)
(My mistress stands out behind!)

[Etc.]

_______
(*1) Any apparent connection with flatulence, even in this context, is purely coincidental.
(*2) The original doesn't make much sense either. Is it a cellulite reference? -- ADDENDUM Nov. 14, 2003: The reading of the text here is a problem which has much exercised the scholarly community, with attempts to explain "rumpled smooth skin," or to suggest that it is a pun (a lame one, if you ask me) on Rumplestiltskin. The likeliest reading is "rub her smooth skin" (cutem glabram eius tere [or terere volo]). Now, there are ten pages of comments below, and a great many of them are devoted to this matter. Please familiarize yourself with the status quaestionis before making your own contribution. -- UPDATE 12/9/03: a reader tells us that Sir Mixalot's official site confirms the lyrics "rub all of that smooth skin." I am therefore willing to declare the matter solved, and wish to hear no more of it. Thank you.
(*3) Or saltare?
(*3a) I can find no obvious Latin expression that implies "romantic courtship." -- ADDENDUM 10/14/03: Amores has been suggested, but that can also be used for purely sexual liaisons, which is clearly the goal here, and so not to be thus dismissed.
(*4)All right, how would you say "got it goin' like a Turbo 'Vette"? And what exactly is "goin'" here? I have chosen to understand that the unnamed woman's extraordinary callipygy has inspired a primal response in the narrator, rather than that she "has got it goin' on," i.e., that she "is all that" -- although the later lines (not included here) concerning Fonda's Honda and the speaker's anaconda can, ultimately, be invoked in support of either interpretation. -- ADDENDUM 10/24/03: I have heard from several readers that the music video suggests that this line should rather be interpreted along the lines of "she shakes her posterior most vigorously."
(*5) Or uberiores? Although that's perhaps better reserved for a different fetish.
(*6) This line is not as succinct as the original, to be sure. -- ADDENDUM 10/24/03: I wish I'd said puella here, as domina suggests a power relationship different from the English original.


UPDATE, later that same day:
Thanks to Nepenthe for pointing out that the lyrics link I had up here (to letssingit.com, which avoid) led to multiple pop-ups that install software without informing you. I've found one that seems to be pop-up free: but then my browser didn't respond to the other ones, either.

(This means, of course, that I translated a different transcription of the lyrics, and it might not match. Yeah, that's a good explanation.)

Thanks to everyone for the positive feedback, which has been overwhelming.

UPDATE 10/13/03:

For the rest of the song, see ukelele's version here.

UPDATE 10/15/03:

Thanks again to everyone who has expressed approval, admiration, and/or promised sexual gratification; you're all very kind. I note that my "friend of" list has nearly doubled, and this is wicked cool, although I can't promise I'll have a chance to add you back immediately, as I like to read over other journals before adding them, and this takes time, and if your journal consists mainly of quiz results or Powerpuff Girls slash, I will probably pass; sorry. The above translation probably makes it seem as though I have an endless supply of time, to be sure, but sadly, it is not so. This also means that if you've added my journal in hopes for more of this sort of thing, it may be something of a wait, and you're more likely to get "this weekend I studied for a bit and then I watched a movie and it was okay."

---
NEW! mishak, whose probably-not-serious request led to this whole thing, decided he wanted a t-shirt out of this. You can get one too on his Cafe Shop here.
About this Entry
heads
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From:canonfire
Date:October 8th, 2003 12:55 pm (UTC)

I like 'em BIG and ROUND!

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Baby Got Back!
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From:pangaia93
Date:October 19th, 2003 09:18 am (UTC)
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Our userpics are friends :-)
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From:futurenurselady
Date:October 8th, 2003 12:57 pm (UTC)
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"(*2) The original doesn't make much sense either. Is it a cellulite reference?"

I think in the original song it was not exactly referring to the buttock itself, but what is between them...

Take that as you will. Anyway, this is the funniest thing I have seen all day! I would be on the floor if it weren't so clutteres with my Homeopathy homework.

FNL
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From:dirtyknees
Date:October 8th, 2003 03:11 pm (UTC)
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"(*2) The original doesn't make much sense either. Is it a cellulite reference?"

The lyrics I found were, "Ooh, rump of smooth skin". If that helps...

Tears are still rolling down my face. Your translation prowess is truly formidable!

--Andrea
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From:lachesis
Date:October 8th, 2003 01:04 pm (UTC)

domina mea exstat a tergo!

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*falls over, DYING!*

*picks selff off of floor, adds this post to 'memories'*
thanks!!!!!!!!!!

ohohoh - I've been meaning to ask you; what's the Latin Translation for "Practice Makes Perfect"? I had it once, (involved something "Magister") but I dont remember.
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From:quislibet
Date:October 8th, 2003 06:56 pm (UTC)

Re: domina mea exstat a tergo!

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adds this post to 'memories'
gosh!

As to your question: is it "usus est magister optimus"?
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From:whatifoundthere
Date:October 8th, 2003 01:21 pm (UTC)

hee hee hee

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Mix-a-lot, the Knight!

I'm wondering if you could translate Mix-a-lot itself. MixtusTantus or something.

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From:quislibet
Date:October 8th, 2003 06:57 pm (UTC)

Re: hee hee hee

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Maybe "Multomixtor"?
From:basha
Date:October 8th, 2003 01:32 pm (UTC)
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You are my hero.
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From:quislibet
Date:October 8th, 2003 06:59 pm (UTC)
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Thanks!

I hope it encourages you to continue your studies. "Latin, huh?" everyone says. "What are you going to do with that?"

Well! I think we all know the answer.
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From:pyrric
Date:October 8th, 2003 01:43 pm (UTC)
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It's been a long time since I've been able to use the acronym LOL literally.

I fear I can't breathe.
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From:quislibet
Date:October 8th, 2003 07:01 pm (UTC)
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I fear I can't breathe

And I made A. cry. What have I done?!
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From:atalanta
Date:October 8th, 2003 02:47 pm (UTC)
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best post EVER.
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From:quislibet
Date:October 9th, 2003 11:14 am (UTC)
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Thanks! And thanks for the publicity.
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From:jedi
Date:October 8th, 2003 03:17 pm (UTC)
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This is most excellent!

magnae clunes mihi placent, nec possum de hac re mentiri.
(Large buttocks are pleasing to me, nor am I able to lie concerning this matter.)


Hahah.. man, that's going into my company email sig file without the translation.
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From:quislibet
Date:October 8th, 2003 07:02 pm (UTC)
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Well, hello!

Glad you liked it.
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From:mobilejessie
Date:October 8th, 2003 05:41 pm (UTC)
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I am hanging that in my office. I can't stop laughing.
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From:nepenthe01
Date:October 8th, 2003 06:56 pm (UTC)
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Hi there! I loved your latin translation! However, I thought I'd warn ya that the site you link to for lyrics has a bunch of popups, some of which install software without informing you. For example, if you answer "No" to the popups, they install 7 different types of adware. I can't imagine what would happen if I clicked yes.

I feel a little wierd responding since I found you through atalanta but I figured you should know - just in case you got infected too.

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From:quislibet
Date:October 8th, 2003 07:13 pm (UTC)
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Yikes! My browser (iCab) doesn't do popups much, so I didn't know. I'll change the link; thanks!

Glad you liked it!
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From:heatray
Date:October 9th, 2003 10:49 am (UTC)

sweet baby jesus

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I'm not just printing this out and putting it on the wall of my cube - I'm going to have it etched in bronze. That's how much this rules.
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From:mcsnee
Date:October 9th, 2003 11:18 am (UTC)
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I can't decide which is funnier... the Latin or the interlinear translation.

Or the fact that you did it at all.

You, sir, rock this poor Classics scholar's little world.
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From:kudzita
Date:October 14th, 2003 06:30 pm (UTC)
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ITA! Heh, in both the Latin sense and the netspeak sense ;) I'm debating whether to print it out and give my professors collective heart attacks *g*
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From:rednikki
Date:October 9th, 2003 11:30 am (UTC)
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Have you seen The Charles Bukowski Memorial Center for Classical Latin Studies? It's got a glossary of naughty Latin phrases, among other things.
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From:quislibet
Date:October 28th, 2003 04:56 pm (UTC)
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I never thanked you for this link -- so, belatedly, thank you!
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From:cygnoir
Date:October 9th, 2003 11:39 am (UTC)
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*rendered speechless by laughter and sheer delight, only able to applaud and give a thumbs-up*
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From:epi_lj
Date:October 9th, 2003 11:52 am (UTC)
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I'd like to note that the entire post in general and footnote 4 in particular very, very nearly made me project tea from my nostrils.
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From:madshrubbery
Date:October 9th, 2003 02:05 pm (UTC)
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Et tu? :D
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From:carneggy
Date:October 9th, 2003 12:02 pm (UTC)
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GENIUS!
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From:gifgal
Date:October 9th, 2003 12:31 pm (UTC)

claps

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sirinek sent me this way...and I must say WOW!

that's for sure to get you laid! tehehe :)

do you do this to songs often? :)
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From:quislibet
Date:October 9th, 2003 02:28 pm (UTC)

Re: claps

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I've done only one other, without the interlinear translation and endnotes.
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From:asim
Date:October 9th, 2003 12:36 pm (UTC)
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Welcome to the Sick Bastard Hall of Fame, man. :)
ecce mulier Aethiops!
Intriguing. Is "Ethopian" a generic term for anyone who's "black"?
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From:quislibet
Date:October 9th, 2003 02:24 pm (UTC)
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As far as I can tell from Latin dictionaries and the Oxford Classical Dictionary (3rd ed.) under "race."

Charmingly, Aithiops is Greek for "burnt-face."
Aethiops - (Anonymous) - Expand
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From:blueingenue
Date:October 9th, 2003 12:50 pm (UTC)
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I'd love to see it in Greek, since they gave us the concise word for the sentiment: callipygian.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:October 11th, 2003 12:32 pm (UTC)

greek

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I'm on it. I'll post a link here when it's done.

bogizmashinu@hotmail.com
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From:blueingenue
Date:October 9th, 2003 12:52 pm (UTC)
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Gluteus Maximus! Maximus! Maximus!
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From:alchemi
Date:October 9th, 2003 12:54 pm (UTC)
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Might you be willing to let this be archived at readers_list?
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From:quislibet
Date:October 9th, 2003 02:25 pm (UTC)
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Sure -- thanks!
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From:_blackjack_
Date:October 9th, 2003 01:00 pm (UTC)
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Boa mea nihil vult nisi clunes habet.
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From:azurelunatic
Date:October 9th, 2003 01:08 pm (UTC)
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First, the Geek version.

Now, Latin.

I am amazed.
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From:soliss
Date:October 13th, 2003 03:20 pm (UTC)
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Damn. Today is just full of good links. Thanks.
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From:dindin
Date:October 9th, 2003 01:16 pm (UTC)
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Heeeeeeee! Funniest. Thing. Ever.
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From:dindin
Date:October 9th, 2003 01:16 pm (UTC)
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Heeeeeeee! Funniest. Thing. Ever.